wishful thinking

i wish for many things but i dont wish for love...

lie

sometimes i just dont get myself... why i could never say what i really feel? sometimes its better to remain silent and let things continue the way they are... why change when the present is ok? its this thing with humans, we always want more... we could never satisfy our needs and thats exactly how i feel right now... i really wish that i could just be happy with what i have right now but i know thats a lie that i've been telling to myself everyday...

Heart

Dear God, I dont wanna live with a heart... I just wanna be an unfeeling machine.... Or just let me forget everything that has ever happened...

sigh...

I finally reached the epitome of stupid...

enough?

Is it not enough? No matter how hard I try, its just not enough... Even when I do everything that is within my capabilities, theres nothing that could change the fact that Im stupid... In the beginning, I thought that its just me whose not working hard enough to achieve what I want and I always believed that if I just worked harder then I would get what I want. But the world doesn work that way... It likes to lead people on in thinking that effort is all that matters but the truth is... Effort is only a fraction of the iceberg and the rest is fate.
In conclusion, me=stupid...

Drug

Im sending myself to rehab coz you are like a drug to me. I know you're no good for me so Im cleaning myself off of you... Bye...

Looks

Looks can be deceiving. Underneath the person that you thought was the greatest person that you have ever met could be a lying, deceiving cheat that would break your heart when you least expected it. It is difficult to uncover the mask that people put on to hide their true selves from the world but it is not impossible as long as you give it time. I know first hand that believing in people too easily could be hazardous to your health but sometimes you have to have faith that there are some truly good people in this world and that you should not be so jaded as to not believe in anyone that you miss out on some wonderful people in your life. Here I wanna thank some truly good people who has helped me a great deal during my hard times, jer, jo, jo, nick, phang, ven, kc, wq and brian. Thank you so much for being there for me.

stronger

Dear God, please make me stronger to endure the terrible things that I have to undergo and please guide me to stay away from the stuff that I know is not good for me...

dont...

heart... please dont make me fall in love...

sigh...

hate that I could never ever say how I feel... I always back out at the very last moment... Even when people try to reach out to me, I always shrink away, afraid that other people would know how I feel and think that Im just being pathetic... I dont know why Im like that...

emo-ing

recently there seems to be a trend of being emo all the time... you can practically see it everywhere, in facebook, when you go out, when you go to school, on msn... its like being emo is the hottest thing around and I have got to say... I kinda enjoy it =) The main reason for this particular behavior is nobody bothers you when you're in your emo mode and you're free to do whatever you want and nobody is going to blame you since you're being emo (emo people cant control their emotions). However, I can totally relate when some people need to emo since there are a lot of stuff going on in my life which is not for public consumption. When shit happens and all you wanna do is throw your stuff around, scream at the top of your voice, bash people around but you cant then you're forced to resort to being emo. When I'm being emo, my thought bubble is usually saying, "The world is made out of cow dung!" and I really prefer to be left alone (emo people like being left alone). Anyway, the main message that I wish to impart on to my readers (if I have any... Im not going to cry) is sometimes your friends need to be emo once in a while or else they'll go psycho because they have no other way to vent their frustration and anger so I implore that all of you please cut your friends some slack because who knows? maybe tomorrow its your turn =)

blank

These memories that assail me so suddenly threaten to break me... which makes me wonder whether Im strong enough to overcome it?

Idiot

Im stupid, daft, incompetent, moronic and just a plain idiot... Thanks for reminding me...

2009

Another year has gone... and somehow I feel as if I have not accomplished anything truly significant... shit... But I did learn a few things from 2009 which include:
a) Do not believe everything you hear. I would like to say that some people ( I shall not name who ) have the craziest hobby which include toying with other people's feeling... Does it satisfy you when you know that you have somebody hanging on your every word? Well, I suppose it does... But that totally does not give you the right to lead people on!! You scumbag!!!!

b) Do not offer any advice whatsoever. Reason? Because nobody would listen to you, espeacially grown ups... The grown ups think that they are the king of the world and that they are never ever wrong so even when they come to you spilling out their guts, telling you their problems, I can 100% assure you they do not need your advice, nor do they need you to tell them they are in the wrong which they are... Basically, you're just there to be a listener and expected to agree to whatever they say plus give your sympathies on their miserable plight... And if you don't, well, they'll probably chop you up into pieces and stuff you inside the blender mix with a cup of shouting to season...

c) Stay close to your real friends. Friends can be classified as just friends and good friends. I can honestly tell you eventhough both categories are really important, your good friends are definitely worth your time and energy spent on them. Firstly, good friends would never betray you ( and I learnt that the hard way) whereas just friends are just in it for the benefits ( for example, car or english). Secondly, good friends would not just abandon you when they're busy and only think about you when they have nothing better to do. Again, this is from experience. Some people can just suddenly call you out of the blue and say,"Hey! I havent heard from you for a long time! I really miss you... Heres a box of chocolates for your chrismas present! And by the way, sorry for bailing out on you when you needed my help... but we're still best friends right?" yeah right... a******!!!!!

d) Keep one's mouth shut at all times to avoid any unnessary awkward situations. I got to admit sometimes my mouth just gets away wit me and start spewing out all sorts of rubbish that comes into my mind which is not pretty, I can assure you. This would result in me being stuck in a situation that is totally mortifying and awkward at the same time that makes me wanna dig a hole and scramble inside and hide for the rest of eternity (no, Im not kidding)

e) Will stick to something long enough to finish it. People keep screaming at me to finish the stuff that I started which in the end I don't, leaving me dissatisfied and the grumpy. I also know that usually the something that I have started is beneficial to me but somehow I think Im lacking the motivation to continue. Maybe I should find myself a muse...

All in all, 2009 is definitely an eventful year. I cant wait for 2010...