confused

confused... thats the word to describe myself right now... sometimes I just wanna step back and take a look at my life to see what went wrong but unfortunately you cant be the third party of your own life... I wanna take control of my life... but lately I just feel tired of taking up the reins of playing the main character in Michelle's life... can I just be the not so important character? like maybe those people who just appear in a few scenes. That'll do for me. That way I dont have to contemplate on the reasons some decisions were made... I guess this way my life wont be that confusing...

Me and romance novels

Today I find myself reading yet another romance novel when I should be reading my new book by Tolkien ( which by the way published the much acclaimed Lord Of The Rings) but sadly I cant seem to help myself from reading those romance novels. This peculiar phenomenon could be explained by the current age that I am in or the fact that I have not experienced anything quite like anything described in the books ( please do not be offended to whom it may concern). However, I can safely say that many girls my age prefer to stick their noses in romance based novels rather than boring sci-fi books or mystery novels if given a choice, I mean who wouldn't?? Another point that I would like to voice out is how terribly hot the weather is. You cant believe how hot the weather is, the sun practically singes your skin the moment it touches it is which is no exaggeration on my part which proves to show how serious the global warming is affecting our planet. But I dont bloody care! Right now Im sitting comfortably in my room with the air con on in my salsa skirt with a singlet and typing away on my laptop and I totally dont give a damn about this global warming thing right now due to the fact that the weather obviously dont care about me.
I just had some biscuits because I really cant fight those hunger pangs that are constantly attacking me which means that my so called strict diet is now currenly non existent anymore but my stomach does feel more happier now... LOL...

Free will + Mindless prattle

I have got to say... This holiday is turning out to be exactly what I thought it would be... Totally boring... Theres practically nothing for me to do except eat and sleep which basically sums up my activities of the day, not to mention that it does not help in my diet program (if I have any) in any way so in other words my goal to becoming hot and sexy is screwed... Thanks a lot UTAR! I cannot imagine why on earth did they have to give us 3 months break, its practically a waste of our time and by the time we start school after 3 months, there is practically no way we could possibly remember everything that we have learnt last semester so we are basically learning for nothing... Thanks again UTAR! you are a total life saver! (NOT!!!!). When one is at home with nothing to do, one does ponders on the meaning of life and the reason we humans are here (occasionally on my part) and usually one ends up with nothing but a realization how fast time flies when one is thinking of pointless stuff like that. Right now I feel as if I just wrote a whole load of garbage, sorry readers... Back to some serious matters, on the 17th of Oct I will be going to Penang to celebrate my grandfather's wedding which to tell you the truth I dont really feel like going because every year we'll be eating the same food and doing the same thing. Im not the only person that feels that way, my brother and sister totally resent that they are being forced against their will to go back to Penang when they could spend their time in a much more productive manner. Its like that time during study week where I had to lie my way out in order for my father not to manhandle me back to Penang to join some cousin of his wedding which by the way nobody attended, its was practically just family and none of her friends came to celebrate which just proves one thing... She does not have any... which is pretty pathetic considering how old you are. The fact of the matter is I hate being forced into anything that I dont want to do, I think that is the worse fate that anyone could undergo because what could be worse than knowing that you are being forced against your will to do something that you hate?

Friends

Ahhhh... The joy of making new friends. The feeling of knowing that someone on this God forsaken planet cares about your well being and the sense of relief that you can finally share your burden with someone else. That is exactly how I felt when I finally made friends with the girl in my floor. Due to confidential purposes, I shall not reveal her name but I have got to say... We totally bonded last night for 3 hours non stop. The feeling is like shes my long lost friend and I have finally reunited with her after many many years of searching. Although I have other friends that I hang out with on my floor, I get the feeling that both of us really clicked. I know that I should'nt be picky when making friends and that I should widen my scope of friends so that I can better understand different types of people according to my dad but as like the saying goes "Birds a feather flock together", you just tend to mix with the people that you're comfortable with. However, those three hours of bonding totally cost me three hours of study time... sigh... I guess it cant be helped due to the fact that I have finally found a friend worthy of me ( evil laugh) Thank God for small favours.

A little bit of finals and a lot of facebook

Today is officially the second day of study week and I think i managed to cover quite a few chapters for the exam (Thank God!!!). Ever since the study week started, the whole of Westlake seemed to be on mute mode. Its just so creepy when your so used to people having parties and blaring music all over the place and not to mention that this month just happens to be the "you know what month". As for me, Im just at home trying to cram all my notes into my fairly retarded brain while trying not to feel sleepy the whole time and I've got to say that its really hard work. In order to prevent myself from falling asleep from boredom, I play facebook, like a lot. I really cant help it, its like a siren calling out to me, and no matter how I try to resist, I always end up secumbing to its seduction... Stupid Facebook... Stupid person that invented facebook... However, its not only me who is addicted to facebook (Thank God again!!). Some people are so addicted to facebook, they can just play it all day long 24/7 so Im considered quite mild, although I think Im steadily approaching total addiction level, sigh.... Theres something about facebook that keeps reeling me in, for example, the games, the comments, the applications and the most important thing the togetherness. Through facebook, everybody is connected together and you get to see what your friends are doing and the things that they going through right now and what they are feeling at the moment. Plus if you have lost contact of a long lost friend, you can easily find them again in facebook so being addicted to it is not exactly a bad thing right?

Inside of a complex mind

The human brain is the most complex organ of our body and is the most advanced technology in the planet. Without it, we could not function nor perform the most basic actions for example, lift up your arm. On top of that, the human brain is also one of the reasons why we have risen above all the living species on earth. This is due to the fact that humans have the largest brain compared to all the other animals plus we humans use a larger percentage of our brain. Thus, the various feelings that we experience is also the most varied and we could even feel multiple feelings simultaneously which only applies to females. We females could feel a multitude of feelings at the same time resulting in us being so undecided all the time. For example, when a girl asks whether or not shes fat, shes hoping that you would say that she looks totally hot but at the same time she wants you to tell the truth and shes also feeling afraid of your answer. If you say that she looks beautiful, shes wondering whether you are telling the truth and a part of her believes that you are and another part thinks that you are trying to placate her by telling her a lie. As you can see, the females brain can be a really complex thing and you really cant blame the guys for not understanding us since we are far more superior than the guys in the feeling department.
As for me, I always felt that I dont really mix well with the gang that I hang out with. There are many reasons to this which are totally based on my opinion so it might be just be my imagination ( I sure hope so). One of my reasons are they are chinese speaking people and its not to say that I am not but its just that I mingle better with English speaking people because Im better in English compared to chinese. So all the while, Im kinda struggling to converse with them and to top it all Im not that into the things that they are into so Im kinda left out of the conversation sometimes. I know that they didn mean it as I understand that birds a feather flock together but sometimes its a bit hurtful and its a bit of torture for me to force myself on them as I can feel that they are only tolerating me which is not a pleasant feeling but yet I still do it because the feeling of being left out is even unbearable for me compared to the feeling of not being wanted. However, its not to say that I have not put any effort into this matter, its just that its kinda difficult to make somebody accept you when they have a certain perception of you. In some cases when I think I manage to penetrate through the barrier, I get thrown out again which is a bit aggravating. Sometimes, I really feel like giving up and seatch for people that I could hang out with that would accept me as I am but then Im reminded that I dont have any other friends apart from them plus its not their fault that they are like that and yet I keep hoping that they would take me as I am and treat me as one of them.
Well, that practicalle sums up the feelings that Im feeling at the same time. Can you imagine feeling all those at one go?

H1N1 + dumbness

I have finally resurfaced from god knows where... And I have got to say some pretty nasty stuff has been happening around us as you might as well know... Im talking about the H1N1 case. It seems as if its getting worse and you can see loads of people wearing masks nowadays which you cant help but feel a twinge of fear when you see these people. You will be thinking," Oh crap! Why is everybody wearing masks??? I am so going to get myself a whole truck load of masks like right now!!" and off you go buying all the masks that you can get your hands on which results in sold out masks everywhere which also means that I cant buy any!!!! Did you know that the whole of Kampar is almost totally dry of masks? So how in the world are pitiful people like myself going to get any? Please tell me cause I reeeaaaallllyyy wanna know.

Plus note to all those people that think Im a dumbass, you're no better yourself! A*******

*any violent and aggresive words has been sensored for public viewing. Thank you

Note to self... DO NOT EVER LIVE IN THE PAST... The cons include:
1. Unhealthy for me
2. Takes a toll on my sanity
3. Forget to live in the present
4.Total waste of time
Recently I have been chatting with my old friends and it made me reminiece of the good old times that we had together. Not only that I began to wish that I could relive the past again and do everything all over again which is very unhealthy for my sanity. Sigh... But I know that I should move on and not cling on to the past regardless of amazing it was because right now I got new friends, a new life that I have to embrace. But I just wanna say that all of those friends that I made when I was 18, thanks to all of you guys who have contributed to making my life interesting and changed the way that I view at things.

Another thing that I forgot to mention is that I am so totally going to flunk in my math test which is almost 3 weeks away and i still dont have a clue what is going on. Somebody please save me!!!!! Oh and by the way, my birthday is on the 19th of march so remember to wish me happy birthday everybody!!! thanks

long blog

man... This is the only time where I can spare some time to write my blog... These past few days have been really hectic for me, its like I cant even find time to think. Mostly my time was spent on studying or finishing my homework or worrying about my car incident which I will explain later. Even today is considered a pretty busy day due to the fact that I just finished my exam plus later around 7pm I have to go out to finish my assignment which to my horror is completely wrong ( as if nothing can go wrong!!! ) so in other words I am a really busy girl. The fact that I went to KL last week didn help matters either. Although, I did not regret going to KL because I went there to spend Valentines with my boyfriend. Speaking of Valentines, I will give a blow by blow on my trip to KL. First I arrived on friday around 4pm then he came to pick me up at KL central then we took the LRT to Setapak (thats where he live) then for dinner my friend has this Barbeque thing for all course representatives and we were invited. Basically, it was a nice party but for me, it was kinda boring because the only thing I could eat was the fruits and the mee whereas other people get to have seafood (Im allergic to seafood) and there was mosquitoes biting me throughout the whole night plus I am from different campus and there was not many things to talk about. But I have to comment on the mee, it was extremely good! Or maybe I was too hungry to even notice. Apart from that, I also did some catching up with my old friends but I noticed that they have all changed and it feels as if Im the only one left unchanged.

The next day, after some breakfast at this stall near my boyfriend's place, we took a LRT to Kelana Jaya then a taxi to a shopping mall called The Curve. I have always liked this shopping mall coz it has this The Street theme which I thought was kinda cool and it also has this open air concept which is very unique compared to other shopping malls. After walking around for a while, we went to IKEA but thats where everything starts falling apart. His friend called to say that my boyfriend took his room key and he needs it back desperately as he has class later. So he has to travel all the way back to hand over the keys to his friend and come back again which took around 2 hours thus making us miss the first part of the movie. After the movie, my mood was not all that great and to make things worst he pinned the blame on me! Sigh... All I can say is this was not the best Valentines I had in mind. But in the end he apologized and I got a really nice necklace! Then later we went to this restaurant called Kim Gary and had some dinner and we went back. On the last day, we just went to a nearby shopping mall and had some brunch then came home. Basically, that was my Valentines.
On another note, my roomate crashed my car which I only found out when I came back from KL. Sigh... I feel like shouting "How could this happen to me???" she didn even ask for my permission! How could she took my car and take it for a joy ride? Right now I cant even bear to talk to her right now. I can only tolerate her but if she ever try to pull another stunt like that, shes so going to get it from me.
Anyway, this blog has probably shown another side of me but im still a sweet girl inside you know...

Regret

I have really tried my very hardest to concentrate in my studies, but I only managed to finish studying one chapter... pretty pathetic... So right now im writing my blog in an attempt to relax so that I could concentrate later. Nothing much going on right now apart from the fact that my life is going to be seriously busy the next two weeks... OH PLEASE GOD! Please give your daughter the strength and the wisdom to see through this semester without passing by the skin of her teeth. And I promise to study everyday! The thought of going through the whole of my degree with such poor results scares me even more that the scary ghost of Ju On. I mean how am I supposed to find a job with such poor results? sigh... The future seems bleak to me... If only God could answer my prayers now... On another note, I honestly do not think im such a dumbo that other people presume me to be... As far as I know, I used to be smarter that all those people studying with me but what I couldn understand is why cant I be as smart as I was before? A nagging voice behind me says, the reason why you have reached such a desolute state is because you dont study enough! But thats what almost everyone says that when your not performing well in any aspect of your life... But I know... The truth is I am not working as hard as everybody else and I shoud really change my attitude before I live to regret it.

My lovely Perak

Right now im in my mom's office where my mom is busy talking to my aunt about the latest news happening in Perak. The huge blowup with PKR and Barisan National. Honestly I dont know whats all the fuss about them, all I know is that the Barisan National are really devious. How can they possibly do this kind of thing? And how can the PKR people do this to us? The people placed their trust into them and look what happened? They just decided to leave and support the Barisan National. And on top of that, i thought the Sultan of Perak would have a by election but no... He just said Barisan National get to govern the whole Perak... End of Story... So please tell me, how is that fair to the people who voted for the PKR? Therefore the people think that they are being conned and decided to voice their protest outside the Istana Kinta. And they do it with such style too! laying down in the middle of the road while waving a flag. Not to mention flogging down the sultan's car and all the menteri besar's car too. And dont forget all those people lining up outside the palace waving banners of protest. Honestly, as a member of the Barisan National, you know that the people hate your guts so why do you wanna bring this down on yourself? So that you can have people who hate your guts and cant wait to detroy you? Despite all your fancy words of swearing to help us and everything, the people honestly dont want your help. If they really wanted you to lead them, they would have voted for you in the last election. In other words, please save yourself all the trouble and energy, and just leave the decision to the people. Because right now, the last thing you need is the people turning their backs at you. Thanks for listening! ( this article is focused at Barisan National supporters)

Note to self... Food is a really great cure for splitting headaches and migraines therefore it is advisable to eat during a headache. Somehow I felt that these few days are as if a moving train is rushing towards me. This might be because my assignments keep coming and not to mention my exams too. Although im trying with all my might to handle all of these with ease just like the rest of my brilliant classmates, the solution on how they do it still eludes me. So I keep going to bed feeling restless and that I haven't finished my work yet. Anyway, my group has almost finished the base for one of the assignments which is Pengajian Malaysia which in my opinion is a pretty dumb subject. Why on earth do we need that silly subject anyway? Its not like when we go out looking for jobs, our emplyers are going to ask " How much did you get for your Pengajian Malaysia?" Its not even related to my course for crying out loud! But yet we're still stuck with this no matter how much we complain... Tomorrow I'll be going back to my hometown to renew my driving license which is going to expire on the 11th of this month.

stress

my mind is in a whirl... This semester is going to be yet another excruciating semester for me again.... I keep thinking to myself... "when will it end? Is this how my life going to be?"... But then the more optimistic side of me starts shouting, "How can you possibly think that way? You are supposed to think positively and fight your way through this thing and not sit there and bemoan yourself!" Thus two sides of me keeps warring with each other, both not giving up in swaying me in their direction, resulting in me getting the most humongous headache in history. On top of that, I have to prepare for tomorrows class plus hand in an assignment the following week and prepare for a major test next week anf to top it all I have to worry about the prom night that is going to be held on goodness know when! Not to mention, I need to contemplate whether or not I should learn french and should I go down to kl next week for Valentines to visit my boyfriend whose been pining for me and bring down the wrath of my mom on my head... Yeah... I got nothing to stress about...